Wednesday, January 11, 2006


made up with mom.. lol dont laugh..turned out tht she had specially bought the cake especially for me.. coz she thought i wanted to have it... hmmm...

she even agreed tht she should nt have said things the way she said thm.. but well she even pointed out tht iw as wrong.. n whtevr whtever.. made it sound like i was 90 % wrong n she was even less thn the remaining 10 but tht does nt matter all tht much to me.. as long as she got my point. which it looks like she did.. percent or not...

yeah yeah.. dont u start on ur i told u so's...

while getting back frm the beach.. we were talking abt the tatas.. n i was marvelling on their extreme properity.. whn she asked me y i was so attracted towards money n materialistic things.. i told thm more then the money.. it was the uber luxurious life... n the abundance which was magnetic... but she maintained tht i had no reason for being so blinded by it.. coz i d even told her sometime befor.. tht if i had to marry arranged... i d marry rich.. super rich.. which she dint like.. she says tht i have no reason to be more pulled towards materialistic things.. thts not th way her children have been brought up.. yeah thts not.. n yeah we have no reason to want more or even all..

but i could nt explain my point to her.. my perspective.. there r two kinds of satisfactions.. materialistic.. n non-materialistic..

i believe tht i v run out of all the non-materialistic contentment i can get.. emotions.. love.. its all run its course.. exhausted itself frm my reach.. the only kind of love i feel i can now have for anyone who i dont already love is for my children..
yes i cant love anyone more.. or anyone new in my life.. i wont b able to love a man ever again.. but i m sure.. i ll b able to love my children.. my babies.. my lil'uns... n thn whn i love thm... i want to give thm riches along wit my love.. no i dont mean to spoil thm rotten wit everything on their beck n call.. no.. but i want to know tht i can have the power to do tht.. i dont want to spend all the money in the world.. on myself or anyone. but i want to have the power to know tht i can do tht anytime i want..

so all i m left wit is materialistic gains, satisfaction n contentment.. another very big reason tht i want it is tht its unemotional.. it wont hit back.. it wont reject.. it wont make me cry.. the satisfaction i ll gain frm it.. even if as mom says it ll be momentary will not make me cry ever..

to be able to recieve non materialistic things in life.. u have to be great.. pure.. n .. n u have to be anyone but me.. n since i am me.. i doubt i ll find it.. so i make do with non materialistic happiness.. i make mself happy wit it.. i dont crave it.. no.. i dont even hunger for it.. i just know thts wht it is gonna b for me ultimately..

life is all abt compromising.. n i will make this the biggest of thm..

ps.. i hope this just turns out to be my immature self rambling away to glory.. i hope tht down the line my perpective changes.. i grow into some other opinion.. n tht i read this blog n just laugh at how silly i was.. how cynical i was.. n i also hope tht i never read this down the line.. n agree with how well i read my fate.. but being me.. i have to remember the 10 letter word which might never leave my side COMPROMISE

1 comment:

'nonnymus said...

theres another 10 letter word. some say it means the same as compromise, some cynics say, its just compromise wrapped in a gay paper to fool ppl. but i say that like sacrifice, its a bitter-sweet necessity of life. it takes some pain and some guts to do it, but it ends up making people satisfied and happy. and its called ADJUSTMENT. and it nullifies the bitterness of the word compromise.