Sunday, January 29, 2006

of marriages...

moms not home tonite.. she s sleeping at the marriage house.. now tht how i refer to mama's place..

things r in full force here now.. got a pedicure n manicure today.. feel so satisfied.. like a cat with a lottt of malai.. purrr
tomm i ll get my facial n clean up.. thn i ll smart all over my face..

also frm tomm we start decorating the house.. i ll b sleeping there frm tomm..we ll do the rangoli.. diyas.. flowers.. tissue.. gold n red ribbons.. n lace..

gold net hoops.. lights.. mehendi...bouquets..

so many things tht make a marriage.. n everything reminds of how i ll do it in chintan bhais marriage n mine.. sometimes i think oh i ll also get tht in my marraige.. n sometimes i think oh we wont do thigns like this in chintan bhai s marriage..

i know he wants a quiet calm marriage.. but i m hoping he wont deny me all the fun n laughter i m looking ahead too..

so many ppl ask me these days.. whn he ll get married.. n all i say is well.. we r not even looking yet.. actaully.. i m not even ready.. to start looking for a wife for him.. a wife..

another member.. someone to share his affections with.. i m already a wild cat whn his affections r shared amongst me n shekhar.. or me n hiral didi.. how will i manage a new member in the home.. a permanent member.. i m not ready for it like i said.. i still feel tht this is not the time.. we r stil kids.. wonder whn i ll grow out of tht delusion...

everyone his age.. around us is getting married or looking to get married..

lord knows how i ll b able to take his marriage.. i hope it wont b like everyone says.. tht whn someone gets married he/she leaves old affections n ties n relationships behind..

coz i ll fiercely fight for my brother.. the first person i fell in love with.. the only person who truly deserves my love.. or so i feel.. the only person of whom i can get exactly wht i can expect.. i m not saying tht i d expect the world out of him.. but i d expect .. n he d give me just wht id expect..

the only person who can handle me so well.... more thn anyone.. even if not completely.. thn more thn anybody..

love u bhai.. n i m so scared of ever losing u.. i could still bear it whn u took of for the states.. coz i knew we make a full circle.. but wht abt whn someone new enters ur life.. one more person who might have to b seperated frm me..

befor i wrote this blog.. i had something else in mind.. whn i started out i started with something different.. n whts come up is something entirely different.. i am of half a mind to erase this.. well mayb i ll just let it b..

Friday, January 27, 2006

pure fury, pure wrath

pure fury hath no color...
i cant believe how i blew up.. n i cant believe on wht..

n now. whn i m still angry..but calmly angry..lots of things r becoming clear to me.. just a few hours ago.. i was wondering how everything around me seems so agitated...n y somehow my mind feels calm.. i was wondering how i should b going thru a riot of emotions.. but for some reason.. my mind was blank.. how under normal circumstances.. my thoughts would b so chaotic.. they would have suffocated me.. till i let thm out.. n this time.. i just was nt thinking.. so much had happened around me.. so many questions had been asked.. n i just saw it all... i answered all the questions.. absorbed all the tension.. n somehow.. remained calm.. i dont know if anyone noticed.. but i felt calm even if i dint behave or look it.. n i kept thinking.. wondering.. wht had happened to my emotions.. had they dried up n died.. or had they just had enough..

n thn i burst today.. like a pin in a box full of balloons..
over something just as tiny as a pin.. just as ordinary..

i actually threw the phone down.. i dont believe it.. i have nt seen tht kind of anger frm ages now.. years n years..

was sitting eating dinner.. whn the phone behind me rang.. so dad asked me to turn back n pick the phone.. since he was on the couch talking into his cellphone.. now since my legs still hurting i could nt turn back.. so i just put a hand out n picked the phone..n this particular phone is old so all its wires keep getting entangled.. so whn i picked up the reciever.. the phone banged down to the floor..frm its perch on the sidestand.. n so.. my dad starts yelling abt how i purposely threw down the phone..n how i m this n tht..i kept still.. n just told him tht do u think i d delibrately fling the phone down.. so he said "thts wht u ve done".. n thn.. fury clouded on my face n judgement.. n i threw.. flung.. thrashed.. the reciever on the floor.. next to his feet.. while the caller was on line.. n i sent.. now thts called deliberatly..

immediately.. masi n mom sitting there flew at my throat.. n said tht wht i did was nt right.. n i gave thm my reason.. i said i was tired of his goddamn blame game everytime.. n stuffed the food into my mouth n got up.. for the first time in my life have i stuffed food..

n thts whni realized tht pure fury.. pure wrath.. has no color.. no taste.. no sensation.. it takes over all thts in the mind.. it controls every small unit of the mind.. n dictates its behaviour.. demands it.. i could nt taste a single morsel of wht i ate.. i just know tht i ate.. n thn i washed it all down with water.. i gulped the water down so quick tht it refused to go in.. i was having it too fast.. but i choaked on it.. n washed it down..

i somehow cry on every small n huge thing now a days. how i wish i could abstain frm it.. i kept a hold on my tears til i entered the kitched to have the water.. thn they could nt b held back.. they were tears of surprise.. i dint know i could get this angry.. over something i have grown used to.. n tht too infront of a guest at home.. it was shocking.. n i cried coz i lost my control.. on myself.. n my anger.. i wish i could have controlled tht urge.. but i think i d b right if i d say tht anger took over my mind so soon.. so quick.. tht i dint have time to analyze tht i could control it.. i dint even realized wht i d done till i was doing it..

pure fury.. pure wrath.. hath no color.. no control.. no clarity..

Monday, January 23, 2006

unfair.. & gnawing..

things can race.. acelerate frm good to bad so quick..i had such a weird dream..i v had this dream the second time now or is it the third..its whn a dream starts to repeat itself tht i get nervous abt it.. this dream was so weird.. but thnkfully whn it was happenning i knew it was a dream.. so i was nt scared in reality.. it was abt kids who were locked in my car.. n they were gasping n choking for air.. whn this unfolded i knew it was happening again..there were two kids n two infants this time.. they had been locked in the car frm over 4 hrs.. n they r coughing away.. too weak to roll the windows down.. the infants r blue n seem lifeless.. but r twitching a lil..somehow coz of something i remember, i come to my car n see thm locked.. its raining outside.. n i open the doors for thm.. they survive..n thn i backed the car n parked it.. there were a few ppl around me in tht dream.. some of those who r always there.. n some new.. miraj.. wonder wht he was doing thre..its weird y i dreamt of this.. i sometimes wonder if i try to unravel these dreams too much... if i try to look into it too much.. mayb thts y they disturb me so much..mayb i shouldn't ponder so much over it..mayb sitting at home is getting to me.. i always used to believe tht i d never have bad dreams.. it was this staunch belief of mine.. n now it looks like it been shaken.. somehow it seems similar to the belief of my having kids..n mayb tht will b broken someday too.. sometimes it seems like my life is hanging right now.. somehow at times it feels like its just so listless..if feel guilty.. tht i cant care for someone i care so much for..totally.. i cant totally thoughts.. giving is better thn recieving.. n icant give.. howmuch ever i care.. it is nt is nt complete.. mayb thts wht makes it easier for me to contemplate the future.. even if it hurts.. i know tht wht will b done.. will have to b done..someday..someway.. i ve always been incomplete.. mayb i ll always b incomplete tht way.. mayb i ll always lack .. lack tht part of giving..

this is another blog written later on tht day.. after a few things tht happened..


i hate this... this deep rooted sadness which settles in my stomach.. an all consuming pain..much much worse than any violent anger.. which can have some kind of an outlet.. a solution..
i hate being misunderstood.. by anyone at all.. n whn i m misunderstood by tht one person who means so much .. n whn i m misunderstood for something tht concerns my attachments.. have i done anything wrong.. anything less?? mymind keeps shrieking.. it hurts.. it just plain hurts..tears of blood..wht good was controlling my temper if all it lead to was this sadness.. y i m even asking anyone else to control this temper whn all it leads to is this..this gnawing pain..this gnawing hurt.. which makes me cry.. while my mind wont.. tht stings my eyes.. actually stings my eyes.. whn i want to cry.. but my mind wont let me..

so often.. so many things.. so frequently.. hurt me so much..makes me so miserable.. so frequently..just adds on to my history of ppl who i v given the power to make me so miserable..i dont feel scooped out anymore.. i feel dead.. like i v perished.. y am i so unhappy.. so unhappy so often.. i dont want to me immature.. but y cant i b happy.. i hate this blood rolling down my cheeks..

small things.. huge things.. y cant i have someone who can bear this pain wit me.. who can stand wit me.. not push me away just coz i m so far..sometimes i feel.. all i want.. all i m begging for is some love.. some happiness.. y .. y cant i haev it.. wht have i done wrong..

imayb divya was right.. i cant take more thn this.. i cant take so much pain.. whn will i draw my limit.. whn will it end.. god.. whn i wil just stop feeling..

the hurt is so much.. so bad.. tht it all blends into one.. everything done by everyone.. its all melting like candle wax with oneanother..n it hurts.. so much...all over.. so bad.. tht i dont know whts paining.. me or my body.. or my eyes.. or my leg.. its an all consuming pain.. i wish i could just break down.. n cry..mayb its too much to ask for.. mayb i m asking for too much anywhere.. everywhere.. frm anyone.. everyone..

Saturday, January 21, 2006

an intro to the rest of the entries losted today..

well theres more.... a lot more.. but i guess i ll update tht after u finish this much.. since this is a lot too.. after i see ur comments on this much.. i ll update the rest.. n my advice to u whn u start reading the rest of the entries is tht u start frm below.. coz thts where jan 1st starts..
n i love u bhai.. i love u a lot..
look at this blog as a creation specially for u.. coz i want u to know wht i m thinking feeling.. n u know i dont give tht access to everybody.. rather almost nobody..wish u could understand me..

its not tht i m hiding tht blog frm u.. i m just trying to keep some parts of me secure.. so tht i remain sane.. n strong.. i cant whine n cry abt lil things to u always can i.. i ll have to stand up on my own.. n standing up for wht i feel.. think.. n see.. thts a way to b strong..
n i know u ll support me in this initiation to b strong..

Sunday, January 15, 2006

a call

i wonder y he called.. it was.. 15 jan.. nothing special.. no occasion.. no anniversary nothing.. i wonder y he called.. i dint expect it at all..

tht pleases me.. tht i dint expect his call.. lol i hardly have a reason for expecting his call.. whn the phone flashed.. i saw his name on it.. i had saved his number.. n i was confused.. i picked up the call.. expecting silence.. n thts wht i got..

for a few seconds.. thn i made the mistake of excusing myself frm my mom saying tht i had to take my medicines.. i forgot how he used to react on tht.. n he reacted.. well tht pleases me too.. tht i forgot.. but mayb i dint.. mayb unconsiously.. somewhere.. i said tht coz i wanted him to react..

he asked "wht happened?"
it took me some time to answer.. i was nt prepared for him to speak.. i was nt prepared to hear his voice after so long.."what?"i asked
"why are u taking medicines..??"
"why are u calling me??" now i answered immediately..i had gathered my guts.
"i dont know" i could see him shrug.. i knew tht movement so well.. tht careless shrug of shoulders..
"y?? did u run out of ppl u could fool?? who u could lie to??" i taunted him. i was nt going to let him think tht i d forgotten any of it..
"mayb" his voice was nt pert.. nor was there tht signature trace of insolence.. he sounded almost.. subdued.. silent.. like he was standing in the shadows..
"wht do u want?" i asked him rudely.. i was nt going to let him know tht i was imagining him..
"i dont expect anything out of u", he answered "i dont expect anything out of anyone.. even u should nt"
yeah right buster.. expect anything out of YOU.. i made tht mistake for 3 precious years of my life.. to b frank.. i dont even know if i v stopped expecting yet.. mayb i v been successful in pushing him out of my mind.. n my life.. but a small part of me.. tht innocent.. loving part.. which i hate now...
" yeah whtever.. i just asked u tht coz u ve called me after more than a year" nono my mind screamed he s called you every occasion.. but i ploughed on.. coz i knew he d comment on this.. n i knew my answer..
"no i have nt called u after more than a year.. yes i ve spoken to u after more than a year.. but i have nt called you after more than a year" there he said just wht i wanted him to say.. it was as if i was crafting the conversation..
"its the same thing to me.." i said nonchalantly.. it was a year and four months since i d heard his voice..
"im sorry if i upset ur mood or anything by talking to u or calling u" he apologised.. irrelevantly.. i wondered y ppl always tell me this.. tht they r sorry if their callng me ruined my mood.. ppl who think tht they r not supposed to call me.. whn i v never laid down any such rule..
"oh you dont affect me tht much" i lied... look.. look.. u taught me how to lie so well.. n i can even think up lies so quick now.. once upon a time i could never lie to u.. n now..
"yea.. but i m still sorry if i upset ur mood.. i was nt going to talk to u at all.. but whn i heard abt the medicines i had to ask..", he said.
i kept quiet.. i dint want to rise to the bait n tell him wht happened to him.. i was not going to give him the privilege of knowing..
"allright. take care.." he continued after a beat..
i hung up.
n my hands were trembling.. bastard.. i dont shiver.. i NEVER shiver.. except whn i m extremely cold.. n i hated being so hands did feel cold. i looked at the cell.. paused for a second..
n i called shrirang.. i dont know y him.. but..i told him the entire thing..n while i was talking
his msg came..

" can i have ritu's cell no. at least reply if u dont want to give "

one more bait...

i dint do either.. i d let ritu decide if she wanted to talk to him..
i told shrirang this.. he said tht he was trying to come back into my life..i dint talk a lot.. i hung up ..i called aryan.. told him the whole thing.. n headed out to tell mom thn..

am glad i did the right thing.. but i kept wondering after tht.. if i should have extended the conversation.. i i should have asked for the answers i looking for.. i v been waiting so long for.. n i asked myself if they matter anymore.. no
they dont matter all tht much.. but a part of me will b put to rest whn i have a dead part of my soul will rest in peace..
n i dont want to force the answers out.. i dont want to force him in front of me.. i dont want him to be dragged n plopped in front of me..

either he turns up in front of me.. or i turn up in front of him.. unbidden..unexpected.. sudden.. thts whn all the truth will come out..n i dont know if i want tht time to come or not...

Friday, January 13, 2006

a dream

it was terrifying... even whn i still think back.. my hands go clammy... n tears just start rolling down.. n worst of all i understand thm.. n they seem justified to me.. yeah those kind of tears r the worst of all

i have nt had tht kind of a dream ever in my life.. i have nt wept tht way over a dream ever.. such a twisted convulted dream.. like it was inserted in my mind.. just to scare me.. just to horrify the wits out of me...

my dream started with all the mamis at home.. making some sweet for chirag bhai's marriage... n thn they started all scolding me for some reason.. i think i made some silly mistake.. n thn i fell on my bed.. crying.. sobbing.. n hiral didi tried to console me.. she kept asking me y i was crying so much.. n i just kept weeping.. n thn i picked up red paper.. n i shred it with my hands.. n she asked me something concerning the red paper.. n thn.. i was transported to a huge white board..

where there were pictures of me.. of the baby in my womb.. frm its inception.. thru all its beautiful child.. growing.. frm a small non living foetus.. to a living breathing kicking baby.... my baby.. i reached out to stroke my womb.. but my hand.. my wrist was painfully held by someone else.. someone whos nails were digging rightfully n possessively into my wrist.. n drawing blood.. but i dint care for tht blood.. i was trying to figure out y my womb felt flat to me..

but he would nt leave my hand.. he held only one hand.. but it felt like i was under his control..n he was rightfully staking claim.. n he was thn showing me how he had clobbered my child.. in its second last stage.. tht even though it was a risk on my life to do tht.. he had done it.. coz losing me to death was not a big deal.. he had aborted my child.. just to punish me.. he kept abusing my child n me.. he kept laughing in a wicked way.. ugly...

n helpless, i knelt down in front of the photographs of my clobbered child.. the enlarged photographs of the living being once in my womb.. n i wept.. i just kept weeping.. n wailing.. n woke up weeping.. my entire pillow was wet.. i wept for half an just would nt stop.. i kept weeping for the child i lost.. the child who s life was forced to death inside me.. i kept bringing up those photographs.. n i wept..

i wept coz i knew tht tht man.. would nt have given my child a peaceful death.. he said he did not want a child between us.. he wanted me to himself.. he also showed me how my child would have looked if it would have been born..

n i was alone thru it all..weeping.. still weeping.. the crying just dint stop.. somehow my body just dint get exhausted of crying.. even though my mind was.. i cried thru the time i was awake .. i cried whn i spoke abt the dream.. i cried after .. n i m still crying..

it was real .. its real.. n i m scared.. coz i dont want it to happen.. coz i wont b able to live with myself if it happens..

Wednesday, January 11, 2006


made up with mom.. lol dont laugh..turned out tht she had specially bought the cake especially for me.. coz she thought i wanted to have it... hmmm...

she even agreed tht she should nt have said things the way she said thm.. but well she even pointed out tht iw as wrong.. n whtevr whtever.. made it sound like i was 90 % wrong n she was even less thn the remaining 10 but tht does nt matter all tht much to me.. as long as she got my point. which it looks like she did.. percent or not...

yeah yeah.. dont u start on ur i told u so's...

while getting back frm the beach.. we were talking abt the tatas.. n i was marvelling on their extreme properity.. whn she asked me y i was so attracted towards money n materialistic things.. i told thm more then the money.. it was the uber luxurious life... n the abundance which was magnetic... but she maintained tht i had no reason for being so blinded by it.. coz i d even told her sometime befor.. tht if i had to marry arranged... i d marry rich.. super rich.. which she dint like.. she says tht i have no reason to be more pulled towards materialistic things.. thts not th way her children have been brought up.. yeah thts not.. n yeah we have no reason to want more or even all..

but i could nt explain my point to her.. my perspective.. there r two kinds of satisfactions.. materialistic.. n non-materialistic..

i believe tht i v run out of all the non-materialistic contentment i can get.. emotions.. love.. its all run its course.. exhausted itself frm my reach.. the only kind of love i feel i can now have for anyone who i dont already love is for my children..
yes i cant love anyone more.. or anyone new in my life.. i wont b able to love a man ever again.. but i m sure.. i ll b able to love my children.. my babies.. my lil'uns... n thn whn i love thm... i want to give thm riches along wit my love.. no i dont mean to spoil thm rotten wit everything on their beck n call.. no.. but i want to know tht i can have the power to do tht.. i dont want to spend all the money in the world.. on myself or anyone. but i want to have the power to know tht i can do tht anytime i want..

so all i m left wit is materialistic gains, satisfaction n contentment.. another very big reason tht i want it is tht its unemotional.. it wont hit back.. it wont reject.. it wont make me cry.. the satisfaction i ll gain frm it.. even if as mom says it ll be momentary will not make me cry ever..

to be able to recieve non materialistic things in life.. u have to be great.. pure.. n .. n u have to be anyone but me.. n since i am me.. i doubt i ll find it.. so i make do with non materialistic happiness.. i make mself happy wit it.. i dont crave it.. no.. i dont even hunger for it.. i just know thts wht it is gonna b for me ultimately..

life is all abt compromising.. n i will make this the biggest of thm..

ps.. i hope this just turns out to be my immature self rambling away to glory.. i hope tht down the line my perpective changes.. i grow into some other opinion.. n tht i read this blog n just laugh at how silly i was.. how cynical i was.. n i also hope tht i never read this down the line.. n agree with how well i read my fate.. but being me.. i have to remember the 10 letter word which might never leave my side COMPROMISE

Sunday, January 08, 2006

raging storm

its like a storm brewing inside me..
very different frm wht i was originally gonna write..

i d been trying to start writing a short story frm quite some time.. but i was nt geared up for it.. n today u fired me up for tht.. n thn quite suddenly.. it all squshed.. i dint even do wht id said i do.. dint write a mail.. dint write out tht excerpt.. dint write wht i had in mind..

all i m doing is.. brushing away the tears tht keep welling up in my eyes.. philoshophising.. n kicking my own ass..

i m being cold hearted.. but i cant seem to do it wholly... like i m falling short somewhere..

i hate being at odds wit my mom.. i hate not being able to look at her so tht she wont see the swell of love in my eyes..

oh its a storm all right.. its a raging storm inside me.. brewed to full force.. to its full destructive force.. n no philosophical quagmire can beat it now

Friday, January 06, 2006

an encounter with sewages in the not so bollywood style

an encounter with sewages in the not so bollywood style

u know.. although i m totally against all superstitions n all.. i m slowly starting to believe ppl who tell me tht there a "buri nazar" on me.. some stupid nazar it is which makes something wrong happen wit me .. n thn drags me under everyones eyes..

i so hate this... everyone who calls wants a first hand account of wht happened.. n everyone comes home to see the cast on my leg... even whn i sy its ot much.. it does nt hurt much.. they figure tht its pretty serious just coz i have a weeks bed rest.. folks.. wake up.. its just a week.. its nothing compared to wht it could have been..

n wht is it with mumbai n its dug up roads.. every bloody place u turn.. theres a huge gaping winding passage of dug up dirt..someone in mumbai likes its underground more thn its normal cemented or even the dambarred road..

since the july deluge.. whn my leg almost got stuck in a broken manhole.. i used to make it a point to stay away frm manholes.. the main road outside my college has been dug up too.. n they v left namholes wide open... lots of thm.. one after the other.. i used to look out for thm n stay away..once bitten twice shy.. never again..

but it seems tht manholes n falling in thm was written in my kismet..
n it seems tht just cursing the dug up roads was too less.. i had to experience the depths of its surface up close.... kismet

well so.. the oshiwara road.. was dug up.. like the rest of mumbai.. all the uncemented parts ie dambar had been broken into small peices.. n scattered over the very same surface it had been broken out of..wt sense tht makes...i have no idea.. the stupid BMC is answerable for tht..

so the road had been heaped up..totally.. n it was 1 in the night..or morning.. whichever way whoever likes it.. we were there printing our hardcopy for fridays presentation.. since we had been working our butts of on this presentation.. it was like my baby.. n since priyanka had fallen sick the day before.. all the last minute prep.. which was more thn just prep.. it was altering the entire project.. had fallen on my head.. as usual..

so we were there.. getting stuff printed n everything.. while i was frmatting the excel sheets.. the other ppl in my grp were jsut sitting around for company.. n pri was in my car wit dad.. mom had come over in the cafe.. so tht her presence would speed things up.. i had called mom dad to oshiwara (thnk god!!) since it was tht late..n i d need to leave at any minute.. so... there we were.. finally winding up.. since i had to go home n work thru the night..

whn mom n me headed out of the cafe.. gautam was outside.. another grp member.. talking to his gf on the phone.. we stepped down n i side stepped on to one heap of dambar..n whoosh..i was on a downfall..

my right leg.. which i had kept on the heap which was not really a heap of cement but it was some slippery muck.. had slid straight down into an abyss.. an unending abyss.. as it seemed while i was falling.. my left leg.. still on terra firma.. was being pulled down coz the rest of my body was unfortunately following the suit of my right leg.. so my poor left leg got ll mangled while it came down.. n i hit terra firma again.. or maybe it was nt firma.. it was watera..

i was face to face with the bowels of mumbai.. looking rght into the walls of underground sewage systems.. water lapped at my ankles.. not water.. sticky.. thick.. dark.. murky.. liquid..i assume i was screaming while i went in.. thts how ppl around me realized.. id gone down under..

also.. my military training came to the rescue.. or thts wht i like to believe.. somehow reflexively i had put my hands below my torso whn i realized tht i was falling.. tht saved my upper body, head n the other leg frm being hurt.. coz my hands took all my weight..

the minute i realized tht i had finally reachd the end of the 6 feet unending abyss... i immediately tried to get up.. gautam n mom were screaming above my head (literally) for me to give thm my hands.. i just asked thm to let go of me.. coz i needed to stand by myself.. i heard a plop.. like something fell frm my person..
fearing the worst i asked wheres my cell.. som poor guy who d run to my rescue said he had it.. i reached in for my USB Port.. it was in my pocket.. i fished it out n handed it to gautam.. it had all my project work in it.. all our efforts.. next i reached up to my ears to check if my earring were in place.. k dont laugh.. this is nt funny.. but i loved those earrings.. i lost one of thm.. it fell in.. tht was wht the soft plop was all abt.. or mayb it was an insect.. yuk.. anyway the earring was missing.. i went all frantic.. n gautam was yelling on me abt y i was cribbing for tht in there of all places.. little did he know the value of it.. anyway

thn my brave n valiant mom said tht she n gautam would pull me out.. n i asked her to back off.. i asked her to go get dad.. i dint want her sliiping into the manhole wit me.. so dad was informed since we was dozing in the car.. he n gautam pulled me out.. with the help of some other guys who had gathered around.. irritatingly.. they pulled my shirt out before thy pulled me out.. lol no i was nt disrobed.. but my shirt was kind of displaced frm its place..n surprisingly.. for the first time in my life.. i was nt embarassed coz of it.. too much pain i think..
i was pulled out n taken into some place next to the cafe.. where my dad first question to me was... why did u go in there.. unbelieveable.. i answered tht i wanted to take a dip in the water.. so i dived in.. except tht i dint know how to dive.. n we all burst out laughing.. n my frnds.. shweta n all.. came in thn n were shocked to see me in tht condition.. gautam n dad n khozi asked me to flex my toes to check if there was a fracture.. i could easily do it.. so wht i had in my left leg was just pain.. i limped back to my car.. n alli kept grumbling abt was my earring n thn i started wailing whn i saw khozi.. it just struck me.. the presentation.. those blundering idiots knew nothing.. how d they get thru it.. they just asked me to relax n leave ..
n in the car the real pain began.. tears just started streaming down my face.. i was crying... sobbing desperately.. in pain.. i was biting my lip so tht i would nt scream out in pain.. n my leg lost all movement.. mom called my mama tha doctor.. n he asked us to go straight to the hospital.. where i stripped.. washed up.. n wore some weird hospital gown..they took my x ray.. declared tht i dint have a fracture.. n the doc advised me to stay on in the hospital only.. i was given an injection on my butt.. imagine the nurse saw my naked butt.. god.. if i had been my normal self i would have fainted with embarassment..anyway.. all this time priyanka had been taking my pictures.. the cast, the brace.. the injection (no butt showing in it) look at the sass of tht

i was strolled into a room with three beds.. priyanka was forced to go home n sleep.. n mom got me clothes n stuff to get the night away..

tht was the ordeal of the night.. early morning i led my grp thru wht they had to do in the presentation.. spoke to my prof n told him wht had happened n tht i would b able to make it..

later in the morning the doc declared tht i could go home after gving me a few more injections n medicines.. n declared tht i had a "soft tissue injury" n it could result in something much worse if i just let it rest.. so he showed me a few exercises to do.. n i was packed off home..

n since thn.. i ve gotten tired of repeating most of this to countless ppl.. who keep calling n coming home to see me.. n marvel at the cast n the brace.. n my encounter with the much publicised (in bollwood films) sewage system of mumbai..

i ll update the pics priyanka took by today evening.. most probably.. they r absoluetly hilarious.. pics of me in pain n whn i was laughing in the x ray room.. n pics of me taken tht day before i fell in.. she also took pics of me after i took a bath n came out.. in my towel n the cast wrapped in plastic.. i look terrible in most bt wht the heck..