Saturday, October 28, 2006

The Class System in Local Trains

Chronicles of a train traveller Part four

15 Differences between:

"A First Class Ladies Compartment"
  1. When someone steps on your feet, they look at you apologetically.
  2. You wont hear anyone creating a ruckus in joy
  3. When its crowded to the hilt, people will realign their bodies, fit them in grooves and niches to fit like one proper well-moving fabric.
  4. When everyone's seated except one, the one will remain standing if she's unaware of an empty seat in the far corner.
  5. If you cry, you cry alone and ignored.
  6. If you get a place to sit, which you normally always do, you'll be able to study undisturbed for the entire journey.
  7. If an interesting conversation is taking place anywhere in the compartment, everyone eavesdropping will maintain an absolute poker face.
  8. As soon as the final station draws near, almost everyone in the compartment will pull out their compacts and brushes and eye liners and will get busy applying it.
  9. Most women chatting on the phone do so in low tones or they cup their hands around their mouthpieces.
  10. No one sits on the floor of the compartment, anywhere.
  11. The groups in the compartments are fixed and they genuinely participate in each other's life and are concerned for one another.
  12. The samosa and wada wala, and the paper wala frequent this compartment. The sandwich wala does not come(Why??)
  13. The Ticket Checker (TC) comes every other day to check tickets inside the compartment.
  14. Cat fights, train fights, hardly happen. Pretty rare :( no entertainment!!
  15. There are people from all strata's of the society here, rich, poor, middle class and sometimes even very rich.

"secund c-lass leddies comparatment"
  1. Its common to step on someone's feet, otherwise how will you ever get to wherever in hell that you want to go.
  2. You wont not hear everyone creating a ruckus in joy
  3. When its crowded to the hilt, you'll hear and feel the squelch of bodies and the squeeze of flesh.
  4. If a seat is empty in any corner, and anyone at all is standing, it will become everyones business to see to it that the standing passenger does finally occupy that seat.
  5. If your eyes even become watery, all the women around you will ask you if everything's ok. Sab Barr aahe na??
  6. If you get a place to sit, and you normally don't, you will definitely not be able to study. The aunty next to you will want to know what you are doing and will peep her nose into your big book, the kid in front of you will want to play with your pants and there will just be general pandemonium.
  7. If an interesting conversation is taking place anywhere in the compartment, everyone eavesdropping will have their own tidbit to add and subtract. Even if its a conversation about someone's sex life!!
  8. If you so much as comb your hair, or check your face in a mirror, the aunty in front of you will either comment on your looks or say. "ho gaya?? powder showder??"
  9. Most women who make or receive calls will do it on full volume. They will even discuss their company details, pending work, boss's affair, husband's work in a tone loud enough for the entire compartment to hear.
  10. Everyone sits on the floor of the compartment, especially near the exit.
  11. There are very few specific groups coz other than that, everyone talks to everyone about everything.
  12. The samosa, wada, sandwich wala come to this compartment. The paper wala does not come (Why??)
  13. The TC never comes. Not inside the compartment ever.
  14. The famous trains fights, cat fights at that, happen almost everyday.
  15. There is no differentiation between any strata's of society here. But predominantly, it is contained of the lower middle class and below.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Utter joy, gone forever..

A capsule of joy, an infallible time of bliss.

When you've experienced such things, is it possible to explain to your mind that it was just meant for that much time, and that time will not return. Is it possible to move on with life, just as normal and not expect life to ever give you that capsule again. Is it possible to accept just that much bliss and contentment and live your entire life out in that. Is it possible to be thankful for that little time, leave it untouched in your memory, and not compare every other time with that capsule.

Is it possible to become pragmatic again, to reason with yourself and anyone else affected that, that time has passed, and that time wont ever return. That, that time was given to you just coz it was obvious that there will be no other time like that. Id it possible to be very very realistic in one part of your brain, but let the other small part dream and hope of a future ingrained in fantasy. Is it possible to abandon everything you live for right now, everything you love now, everything you want now just to relive that capsule over and over and over again.

Is it possible to be human, make mistakes, be selfish, be greedy, want more and still care more for that capsule than anything else at all.

There are two kinds of contentment in life. Love, true love and joy, utter bliss.
And everyone gets only one shot at both. What happens if you fail at both. Coz if you even get one, you can live on the buttress of that for your entire life, those who get both, they are goddamn lucky, but if you get neither.. then what happens of your life.

Wont you start living a shallow, selfish life, coz life dint dish out both to you. Wont you start hating idealism, romanticism, perfection in a system or society co life denied you both. And in that selfishness, you'll lash out to those who still live under the shadow of idealism and hope. Coz you are devoid of emotions, you'll call everyone else an emotional fool. Rightly so.

But how long will you hide the enviousness you feel when other feel and you don't. How long will you hide the twist of pain you feel when other love and you don't. How long will you hide the jab of hurt when other are happy and you are not. How long will you hate the fact that you have started loving the life of a loner, loving being lonesome.

No wonder you reject love, hope, friendship, pain, obsession and emotion too. No wonder you can't spin rhymes the way you could once. No wonder you live alone in your ivory tower, locked from inside, not outside. No wonder your life is real while your thoughts are stuck in your dreams..

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Echoes in the night and utter joy..

There's something weird about my system. I spend the entire day seriously studying for GRE (I have long abandoned the three hour plan, its more like an entire day thing now what with my GRE 10 days away..OMG)and even then I don't sleep at night. I mean I just don't understand what I m doing up at 3 in the night. If Majnunath hears of this he will kill me. That's my GRE prof, who has taken it on as a personal responsibility for me to score well, although I keep advising him that its not such a good idea to hope for so much. He;s planned out an actual schedule for me.

Anyway, Yesterday was Diwali. Even now, I can hear the echoes of fire-crackers bursting somewhere far away. Thankfully people on my locality are fast asleep, tired no doubt after continuously bursting crackers from the last 6 hours or more.

When I was speaking to my Brother early in the morning, he told me a very astonishing thing. His company, an American one has announced that they will feed lunch to all employees on Monday, on the occasion of Diwali and New year. Now my bro's firm is basically an international conglomerate, a very famous company dealing in Electronic gadgets, mobile phones et all. This missive came as a surprise to all the employees, Americans and Indians.
The Americans in his project group, asked the Indians in it, what Diwali exactly was, and why it was such a big festival that they were being given a company lunch. The Indians went on to explain about Ram, Sita, Ravan and Laxman as succincently as they could. half way through the yankies stopped them and requested, "Could you please explain all this in terms of Dick, Jane and Robert. We'd understand it better then!!" ROFL

My suggestion: Tell them, that Diwali is, if not more, the equivalent of Christmas. Its the same kind of good-will, festivity, shopping, gifting, feasting, crackers and fun!!

I have been brought up in a very minimalistic household. My parents don't believe in celebration of any kind, so no birthday celebrations (once you are mature that is), no festivals that are celebrated and no nothing. We normally eat out once a week, so eating out on any celebratory days is banal. I have never been fascinated my fire-crackers too, although fire is my personality type, the loud noise kinds crackers turn me off completely. So i just love watching others burst the noiseless fiery kind of crackers. No bursting for me. My parents are Jains, so no Pooja for them too. So the point I m trying to drive across is that, Diwali for me, is now just an occasion when I see Mumbai decked up in its best, bright with lights and people wishing each other all the time. Alas, my mom dad give everyone Diwali Bonus except me, so that's another joy discounted.

So when you see Diwali, understand Diwali and yet remain detached from it, experiencing it is another joy all together. People long-forgotten will message you and wish you, everyone will force mithais, chaklis or some good thing or the other down your throat. You can eat chocolates without being stopped, and everyone is generally in a very happy, forgive and forget mood. All homes are decked with bright colourful lights, and small glints of fire coming from the well decorated diyas. Rangolis everywhere, lots of colour.. vibrancy and feeling of good-will.

Its the festival of joy. Truly is.

P.S: A friend gifted me a white sari as a Diwali gift, (I had wanted it from a long time). I'm damn excited coz Iv never had a Diwali Gift before!!

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Lost home..

There is something called a deep-rooted, deep-seated fear. People fear huge things, gigantically, scary and really truly mortifying things. I just read Shantaram and I realized that there are a lot of fears which I haven't seen, which I haven't experienced.

Yet after last December, some kind of a fear has taken root in me, deep within me. It was just a robbery, just an encounter with the pilferist, but it has settled in me. And I hate it.

Now everytime, I hear a knock, some movement unwarranted, something amiss, it feels like something has clutched my belly with deep sharp claws. It's bloody scary and irritating. Because, I hate being intimidated by anything, especially by something that is done and over with. I hate looking up the stairs, everytime I insert my key in the lock, and I hate feeling scared when I hear that my mom is alone at home. I hate double checking every lock, every door, every sound and everything in the house when I am alone. I hate not feeling safe in my own cocoon, the only home I have ever known in my life. Its frustrating.

I love this house, even though I know that I wont live here my entire life, I love this place. Understandable. And from this same love arises this hate. And want. I want to be able to feel safe and secure again. To stride nonchanantly into my home and feel at ease. I want my home back.