Sunday, October 22, 2006

Utter joy, gone forever..

A capsule of joy, an infallible time of bliss.

When you've experienced such things, is it possible to explain to your mind that it was just meant for that much time, and that time will not return. Is it possible to move on with life, just as normal and not expect life to ever give you that capsule again. Is it possible to accept just that much bliss and contentment and live your entire life out in that. Is it possible to be thankful for that little time, leave it untouched in your memory, and not compare every other time with that capsule.

Is it possible to become pragmatic again, to reason with yourself and anyone else affected that, that time has passed, and that time wont ever return. That, that time was given to you just coz it was obvious that there will be no other time like that. Id it possible to be very very realistic in one part of your brain, but let the other small part dream and hope of a future ingrained in fantasy. Is it possible to abandon everything you live for right now, everything you love now, everything you want now just to relive that capsule over and over and over again.

Is it possible to be human, make mistakes, be selfish, be greedy, want more and still care more for that capsule than anything else at all.

There are two kinds of contentment in life. Love, true love and joy, utter bliss.
And everyone gets only one shot at both. What happens if you fail at both. Coz if you even get one, you can live on the buttress of that for your entire life, those who get both, they are goddamn lucky, but if you get neither.. then what happens of your life.

Wont you start living a shallow, selfish life, coz life dint dish out both to you. Wont you start hating idealism, romanticism, perfection in a system or society co life denied you both. And in that selfishness, you'll lash out to those who still live under the shadow of idealism and hope. Coz you are devoid of emotions, you'll call everyone else an emotional fool. Rightly so.

But how long will you hide the enviousness you feel when other feel and you don't. How long will you hide the twist of pain you feel when other love and you don't. How long will you hide the jab of hurt when other are happy and you are not. How long will you hate the fact that you have started loving the life of a loner, loving being lonesome.

No wonder you reject love, hope, friendship, pain, obsession and emotion too. No wonder you can't spin rhymes the way you could once. No wonder you live alone in your ivory tower, locked from inside, not outside. No wonder your life is real while your thoughts are stuck in your dreams..


Ajay said...

it went straight through me. i never thought that anyone can even guess such a life. I believe, i m living it.

thanks for reminding.

J said...

I sometimes think, it is all in the mind. It is bcoz we wantd to believe it was utter joy that it was. it is bcoz we wanted tht moment to be joyous n different. bcoz we wantd something like it to happen n than it happnd. it is not without us, witout our thinking tht we wud want tat to be calld as the moment of joy.
Hmmm at times it seems if u giv some more time n do believe that life will have more joyous moments until we want life to have. we need to get out of tht thinking n look at the world outside not expecting but giving n being honest to ourselves n others around. If we want than there will be joyous moments and they cannot be always compared. Just have to get over it and look around.

pragni~dreamcatcher~ said...

Ajay - It was nt meant to cause any kind of pain to anyone, this entry. Evryone has a chapter in their life which resembles this. It's just that everyone does not want to be reminded of it. But people like you and me live it everyday..

J - Quite true, really. Our mind does conjure up these needs to feel those moments of joy, and just because our mind conjures it up when we need it the most, it is most important. Butlife is like that.. :-)