Sunday, June 29, 2008

Needs external magical touch

I have written 7 posts in the last week. Each of them are what I was exactly feeling at that instant. But I haven't published a single one. Just thought I'd let you know that I am not being lazy, I'm just swinging on the mood terribly.

Anyone know where I can get some magic potion to lift me out of this?

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Please tell me I'm not the only one..

Have you ever felt like shouting out.. screaming out randomly..

Have you ever felt like turning the volume on your ipod up so loud that hopefully it could drown out your thoughts?

Have you ever felt bare, exposed although covered from head to toe..

Have you ever felt like stretching out more, and more and more because it feels like there is something in your bones thats not right?

Have you ever felt like covering yourself up with water because you need that fluidity enveloping you..

Have you ever felt like running away from talking to anyone in the world?

Have you ever felt like this is not you... not your body, not your thoughts.. and not your situation..

Have you ever felt like avoiding everyone around you and meeting absolutely random people, at the same time?

Have you ever desperately wanted to go to that one place, do that one thing, but something or the other has just restricted you from it..

Have you ever felt the need to express yourself without words, through action, art, pictures, or ink?

Have you ever stood up, looked up and desperately wished for the rains to wash away every bit of consciousness..

Have you ever just randomly met someone every goddamn day because you want it to start feeling right?

Have you ever thought if while reading this you are thinking of the exact same things I was thinking of while writing this..

Have you ever wondered if the person in front of you is really real or just a hoax, a bundle of illusions, a manipulation of thoughts and gestures?

Have you ever looked back and wondered what you did wrong for this to happen, for that person to behave like you just don't exist anymore..

Have you ever questioned your decision because you aren't really sure if that's going to make you, or anyone else too, happy for sure?

Have you ever doubted the potential that you might have had.. the promise that seems real sometimes and impossible at others...

Have you ever felt incomplete, right in the center of your being. Like there is a page left unturned in the book of your life and you have flipped past it and can never go back to it..

Friday, June 06, 2008

Wet, wild and lovely

I have a lot of posts due. Tumbling thoughts, words and feelings from my mind. But they are all assigned to later because one thing numbs everything else in me. Rains.

Monsoon here is not just rain. That's why monsoon here is so special. There are crazy winds, the sky clouding up and suddenly immersing the atmosphere in a beautiful dark haze, the trees going crazy with the water droplets and the winds. And the wonderful beautiful rains itself.

Champaign rains are just rains. Suddenly the sky tears up and it pours. Straight sleek sheets of rain. And then it stops.

Rains here have just so much character, so much substance to it. Like it carries all this personality with it just to make a person feel good from inside. Feel whole. If there's one thing that will always pull me back to Mumbai, over every other thing I have been noting in the past month, it is this. The wildness that is the rain here.

The sky rims up with dark clouds leaving a small border of its original blueness as a stark contrast. The wind and the rain lash out, but never feel cruel. Even if all the doors in your house are fastened, the wind will definitely find a few doors and windows to clatter. Love the feeling of going around the house shutting those doors up, waiting to see what more will be clattered next.

I love going up to our terrace and just standing there, the center of the world, with the wind pushing out at me, the rain pouring down and the trees reaching out. Right now its just the sixth floor of our house, I wonder what will the 30th floor be like next year. It'll feel like being between the cloud of rain I guess.

The climate fills you up, completes you, makes you forget everything else and makes you remeber every best thing. Makes you want the best comforts of like, hot coffee and a soft couch with a book, but makes you want to stay put there and get drenched. Makes you want to get up between the night when it suddenly starts pouring to just lose yourself in the rumbling thunder. The rolling noise of welcome. He lightening mesmerizes you, stuns you and brings out the best in the dark hue which the clouds bring about.

It feels like the world in within your embrace, everything you desire for is right there in front of you, or just within reach. It feels like it takes little really to keep you happy, to make you feel content, complete. Because thats what you are at that moment, content and complete.