Friday, March 24, 2006

growing up

you know how you keep running away from something in life, but whn u run away, it will, it has to come smashing right into ur face everytime u feel u have escaped.

i journeyed into my past last night. into wht n who has made me wht i am now. a stone. detached. really, i like being detached. i like thinking of myself as detached. i like believing that i can make life move on no matter wht. surprising, coz frm the morning my life seems to be stuck.

my brother is truly wonderful. u r. u can handle me, mom and dad better thn anyone at all on this earth. n sitting tht far away too. its like a precedent set for me. how will i live upto wht standards u have set. i was feeling scared abt it today. whn i will be as far as u r frm everyone, they will expect the same if not more as u behave. thts human nature. n wht if i cant give it. oh i know i wot be able to give it. thn wht.. one more disappointment.

the way u care abt everyone frm there, the way u worry abt things here, the way u keep confirming if all s fine, the way u take cre of all the relatives there. i mean, it is mindblowing. n i cant even take care of the relationships i have over here with my frnds.

wht is love?? this reminds me of the poem i had written whn i had considered myself blissfully in love. i had given such an apt description thn. but love, its like a tight security blanket, where u know thst the blanket will always always protect u. it will always always give u warmth and comfort. its like a hope for the future, and understand of the past and a will for the present. its like being high on a swing, tht tingling feeling in the pit of the stomach. i m writing all this drawing frm the time whn i felt love. trying to remember my thoughts thn, the way i looked at life. felt like i had my perspective in track, i had only never looked hard enough to know. n now i realize tht i had just picked up a more comfortable track, abandoning my original aim.

its surprsing how much i v grown in just three years. i m glad i listened to u bro, and stayed in india for these three years. four years. wht i v learnt here.. i d never have learnt anywhere else.

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