Wednesday, June 27, 2007

An Enveloping Blankness..

When I came out of the cubicle after my visa interview my face was blank...

The room was full of hopeful aspirants.. all of them looking at every single person who came out of the cubicle.. a dejected face pulled everyone else down too and a happy face.. pleased the entire room.

But my face was stubbornly blank. No expression at all.

My interview had been exceptionally brief. It was over within a minute. And I was the first applicant at the cubicle i had gone to. The cubicle was right across the exit. I came out of the cubicle, directly crossed the room and let myself out. Once in the outer security area, I asked where to exit from, since I was one of the first ones to leave and directly came out from he consulate.

My father was standing across the road, waiting for me. I caught a brief glimpse of him while iw as descending from the stairs and I looked down. I crossed the street looking down, for the first time in my life.

When I reached the other side, he bounded over asking me, "What happened?"

I just nodded very briefly.

"You got it??"

Another brief nod.

His face cracked up in two and he lead the way to the car, where mom was sitting.

As I crossed th throng on the road, random uncles and aunty's asked me if I got my Visa.

I briefly nodded. When they gave me a wide smile and congratulated me, all I could muster up was a small crescent which could pass for a smile. They were still effusive.

I opened the door of the car, slid in and looked at my mom.

But when I answered her, my voice almost broke.

"But you got it," she reasoned, "what's wrong then?"

I did not reply. My face was crumbling from its blankness.

"You got it right??"

"Yes, yes," my dad assured her.

And yes I got it. I got my Visa approved. It was the final hurdle, and its been crossed. It was the last deciding factor, and it has worked out.

Effortlessly, I have been granted entry into the US of A. Effortlessly, everyone has accepted that I will now transition to a new land, a new culture and an absolutely different life and new.

I expect happiness about this novelty to strike me any instant. Till then, what am I supposed to do about this crushing sadness??


J said...

The night I left , u asked me why was I sad. I see the same in u now. Its not easy to be happy when we are feeling sad. The best is to look at the positive side of wat/where we r going n come back to reality soon. Need to be cautious enough not to brood over sadness longer, otherwise it may become more difficult to come out with passing time.

vinod said...

welcome to the club..
party and party hard ma friend..for these days will never come back. Load on all the stuff ur mom makes and never miss a meal while u r all the things u always wanted to..just go crazy..u'll be glad u did

Pragni~The Dream Catcher~ said...

J - Really?? Wow.. you always remember the minutest of things.. If I did ask you that then, I understand you now.. I'm looking and I'm looking at the positive side, and I'm trying to let it make me positive.. I was more happy when Veeru got his Visas then when I got mine..

Vinod - I m trying my best to go crazy.. and its not that difficult with me, being inherently crazy. Anyway, about mom's food, meals, fun, I m trying to soak it all up. But I have a feeling that it's never gonna be enough..

Aniruddha said...

Congratulations again !! Get ready girl !!Dilli (read UIUC) ab door nahi :)

Pragni~The Dream Catcher~ said...

Ani- Thanks!!

'nonnymus said...

Everything we want asks for something in return. And sometimes it becomes difficult to decide if it was that good a bargain or not, does'nt it?
At the cost of being called sir/uncle again, thats life! and it has to move on.
If you get used to the fact that what you take or give dosent really make much of a difference in the universe, it makes it slightly easier to deal with the tears.
Have a great time ahead!