Saturday, February 24, 2007

The smaller part of why I haven't been blogging regularly

Its somehow that weird time of my life. When my insides are in some kind of a turmoil which I cant identify with.

I have nothing to say. I have nothing to feel apparently. When a major load of work passes over, I realize I have nothing to do. I can't express this to the physical people in my life, and I know the rest can do nothing about it.

There are always people who are just a phone call away, but I dont call them. The phone might travel the distance but I dont. Not anymore. I cant handle distances any longer.

Between my busy week, people came online and kept silent. I, as usual, did the same. I dint feel anything then. Suddenly the entire week's feelings are rushing into my senses now. Those people were never meant to be silent. They were supposed to always speak. Always try.

My mother says that she never lets her moods rule her life, I respond back saying that My moods always rule my life.

Then why doesn't it make me happy. It feels like everything wrong that has to happen will happen. My blog refuses me entry, my comments are not stored on my blog (which is why my replies to all the comments on my last post are not recorded) and my mind refuses to speak.


I know I need to relax. But I dunno how. I know I need to unwind. But I dunno how.

I know I'll get around to it. But I dunno HOW.

Headaches have become my constant companions. The rest of my companions all seem to be going away anyways.

I haven't been reading the blogs I regularly read up. I have nt been writing.. and I have nt been blogging. It does feel like a vital part is missing. But I still can't get around to it.

I'v been shutting out people who mean a lot, coz I feel I dont respect them anymore. But I miss there original presence in my life. That face of theirs which I respected. Why do people change so, that you stop respecting them.

Life is restrictive. It doesn't allow you the chance to go beyond its restrictions. It's true.

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