Monday, July 23, 2007

Losing a grip on reality..

It's surreal. My brain refuses to accept it. While I was racing around the airport unloading the extra luggage.. I dint believe it.. while I was getting through Immigration I dint believe it.

I sit in the plane, make all my last minute calls. Say bye, but don't believe it. The aircraft rises above Mumbai on time. I see the lights twinkling below.. I can spot S.V.Road, I can spot Juhu, the road leading to my place in the general direction. I see the beach, clear as a crystal from above, I see the stalls where I ate Golas with Pri and Amar. I can see the waves being pulled on to the sand, rhythmically, I cant see the the couples though. They are just specks. I enjoy the view but I cant believe it.

Abu Dhabi. People shouting for Riyadh passengers, I can see the "Princess" and " Daughters of Arabia" stories reliving itself in front of me. I go through a thorough hand bag scan. They throw small things from my bag, small things, which spell danger for them, but spell memories for me. Still don't believe it. I don't protest.

Flight to JFK, I'm sitting with the harry potter in my hands, but I am not reading it. I am sitting with an option of 256 films, 330 songs and lots of games, but I don't indulge in any of it. I don't believe it. I keep telling mum that I cant be leaving Mumbai. I don't register that I already have.

JFK. Immigration. Baggage recovery and customs. JFK to Philadelphia. Still don't believe it.

On the long drive home, I search for signs that look familiar.

I peer around..

Mc Donalds!!
Gay Lords!!
Hey, Baskin Robbins...

I look at the clouds and they resemble the ones back home.. I look at the roads, they vaguely look like the Mumbai-Pune highway. New Jersey, India Street, Saris everywhere, Patels and dosas.. India!! Mumbai!!

No, that's lost. Quite lost.

It's scary. To realize that all this while, when I said that I want to live in a small town, it was a town like this that I envisaged. A pretty, green, quiet but friendly little town. Where people wont stare, and people wont frown. It's scary because I don't want to like this place. Its surreal.

7 comments:

puneet said...

HI dear, i hope that that you get more peace n good friends out there also and that small little town give u all that u want atleast 4 the time u r going to be there coz i want u 2 come back....

when u left the same day , i visited your page and looked at your widget it said 00days:00hours:00minutes:00seconds and u were gone....
MISS U A LOT!!tare care n live ur life..

'nonnymus said...

Hey... dont b so dismal.. you have mumbai right there with u, inside u... Besides.. time no matter how trying it seems at sometimes, time always flies away.. Enjoy USA while you're there... For all we know, in a few years, u'd be writing a post on how you dont feel like leaving good old America 'cause thats become home!!

TaG HeueR said...

Tag says...remember d road trip !! and u wont miss neything ;-)

Anonymous said...

u n lost cant belive it ............mumbai u loved tht name u always thought abt is not as a city but in many other ways made a movie on it also ..s v road juhu beach .. ur aircraft taking off over it n going somewere els n suddnly realise tht ur gone ..but i hope the town u dreamed abt u find it mumbai is always there n will be ........u take care time never stops .......trustme n even if u dont wana like it u will some day ........... n after some days when ur aircraft takes off from JFK climbing steep towards the clouds u will feel the same with a book n thousand songs in ur hand ..........

Pragni~The Dream Catcher~ said...

Puneet- I know.. that widget is still there just to remind me that i am here.. its still a little difficult..i miss u too re.. and i AM coming back.. dun worry about that..

'nonnymous Sir- I wouldnt bet on that.. not wanting to leave good ol'america.. lets put wings on time.. so that it can fly away quick.. and yes.. mumbai will stay with me all the while..

tag- the brief road trip makes me want more!!

Anonymous - I'll wait for that day, but that feeling will definitely not be there..

sillysneha said...

maybe its not home..
maybe its not nice..
but maybe its worth a try....

anu said...

hey its a new phase of life n all..i kno hw it feels,leavin home n goin to a place tht is not and wil never b home..bt giv it time,u will like the newness soon..n darling u will never b lost..its nt the place tht cn make u feel lost,its ur attitude towards it..once u decide to giv it a chance u will stop feelin tht way..trust me..tske care..btw,am waitin 4 a mail atleast abt everythin happenin there..plus a cntct number..or am i forgotten so soon?;)
i mailed u also bt no reply..pretty plz??