I have been considering a lot of things from the last few days. All things quite essential to me.
First : I started this blog for one person. I had changed my earlier blog to a personal blog which he did not have access to and if there was anyone who has a right to know about whats happening in my life its him. I am talking about my brother. And now he is too busy to read my blog. So should I continue with this blog?? When I asked the man in concern yesterday he cried out, "No, You have a lot more people than me reading you blog now." Yes, but I did start this blog for his sake. If my initial purpose is not valid anymore... I can't understand what to do about this now.
Second : I am sick and tired of people calling me birthday girl and asking me what i want tomorrow. My claim that my mom has declared a wrong date to the world as my birthday is also not valid. I kept trying to convince everyone that my actual birthday is on Feb 9th But no one listens. I don't think it is of any use to act coy or rude and not talk about the day I was born 21 years ago now.
Third : I wonder why a birthday is so important to people. Whenever I think of this, I also immediately think that I never fail to wish anyone i care for on their birthdays. Then why am I wondering so much why these people call me. But again I'm stuck in this rut.. why this day?? whats so special about a day when someone was born. The day the infant is born is a special day yes, but why is the day celebrated year after year.
Till last year, I had a lot of expectations from those around me on my birthday. You know the normal, cakes, gifts, celebration, party. But I never did any of these any year of my life. Which has kind of put things in perspective for me. It is not that important for a birthday. I understand people want to wish me coz for them its special, maybe coz I have been born and that is important to them. So maybe I'm just being too cold when I dismiss their regard. I don't really dismiss it but...
This reminds me of another post I read on a very familiar blog by now- My Thoughts.
I totally agree with this post. My only joy on my birthday is that I am one more year older. You know when we were kids, we would wistfully want to be grown-ups. And our parents or the grown-ups around us would say, wait till you are big, then you will wish to be a child. This sentence told to me repeatedly by my teachers in school and my parents always come back to me. Coz I have not regretted growing up one bit. Never. I have always been glad of being one more year old. Of being more mature than I was before. I detest immaturity and am glad of my growing maturity.
Don't get me wrong. This does not mean that I am a deprived soul, or that I am suffering or any such thing. I am just another girl, fighting not to project an image of extremely stupid girlishness or femininity. And loving the process of growing up. Peter Pan I DEFINITELY am not.