Friday, November 30, 2007

Warning: This is a rant!!

Yes, you have been forewarned.. DO NOT COMPLAIN if you still read this.

Ok. Now that we have that cleared..

I just do NOT understand life. Or people. Or people-politics. Or people's behaviors. Or my room mate. Yea, I am back there again. I had been resisting all this while. I had promised myself and my dear blog that I will not whine or complain about RM anymore. Because someone tried to preach to me about how I was being unfair about talking about her publicly where she could not defend herself. I kept trying to clarify that really, its not like I hate her. It's just that we do not share the same comfort level, but I was still preached at. Anyway, I had decided even before that, that I am not going to turn into a whiny blogger (which it looks like I am turning into) and whine about something as uninteresting, dull and boring as a flatmate.

But it so happens, that DA and me have stopped talking altogether now. Because of RM. I had accepted that. Chalked it up as his loss. I had really convinced myself that if he got lured into her behavior and preferred that to my friendship, then its absolutely not my fault and that sometime in his future he would look back and repent. I was actually giving myself some credit for once. He said that when we were together, like him, me and RM, there was a "Clash" between the two of us which made him feel butchered between us. And he chose to just get distant because of that. His loss.

And now, she just very sweetly told me that a group of our seniors, who we are both very friendly with. And who I thought considered both of us as a part of them, called her today and asked her if she wanted to eat dinner at a restaurant in Mahomet. I really do not mind if she dines with a million people. But, I thought we were both at an equal foot there. In fact, if nothing, I have worked for them more than she has.
Ever been friends with a group of people and then suddenly realized that the group asked your roommate to join them for dinner and not you?

I seriously think that something is wrong with me now. Like maybe I have horns on my head, or maybe I really look so bad that when compared to the person who lives in the same flat as me, she is anyday better. I am NOT jealous. I am just mildly hurt. Really.

Because if I was terribly hurt I would probably not go to the mass party they are having tomorrow. Where they have sent a mass email out to everyone and asked them to come with booze and snacks.

You know what hurts more? Just a little more, not too much, mind you. Even I can't see through that bloody face everytime its on. Its just later when she tells me stuff like, yeah they asked me out for dinner, I realize, "Hey!! I am being excluded from here too now!!"

And thats exactly what happened with DA. I tried telling him that I feel like I am excluded when I am with him and RM, but he said it was just because of the clash between RM and me. So has this so called "clash" between us been at work even when I was not around and she was?

A few day ago, Dhum aked me how I can bear living with this. I can't really. Everyday my mum tells me to get out of this situation. To call its quits. But everyday, there is something new. Yesterday, she was out all day, today she was sleeping all day and tomorrow she will be sick all day. And that's how it keeps going on. And between all this, the "clash" is apparently working..

And that party tomorrow? I am definitely not going. Playing cards with Dhum, Pal, and Pik is so much more fun than being looked at as a side kick or just an additional person.

Thanks Guys. For being there.

And for any of you who did read this till the end, thanks for putting up with it. I just hope you dont think I am a b##ch because of this. Don't judge me on my rants. Please.

The starred abuse is because my Mom reads my Blog. Remember?


J said...

hey. would you want to feel unhappy/hurt by thinking or judging of what other people do by picking/asking "them" and not you. Or would you like to feel happy and content with yourself and just ease. And why worry when there is so much around. When you are happy with yourself and at ease, others might automatically turn to you. And believe me there would have been and would be chances when you are picked over someone.
Importantly its not good to think over it and then do something which I know you wont. Just be at ease and stay cool.

Ashwin said...

Most things in life happen for a reason... understanding and accepting the reason is what's important...It's just a matter of time....maybe life is preparing you for something... maybe life is teaching RM a lesson... be patient!!

Pragni~The Dream Catcher~ said...

J- All I want is some peace.. doesn't look like I will get it for a long long time..

Ashwin- Show me the reason.. show me the lesson.. am trying my best to be as patient as I can.. really..

Ashwin said...

All in good time my love!! All in good time!