Friday, February 17, 2006


an interesting thing was pointed out to me yesterday... i v (again) lost my control over my anger.. there was a time in between whn i had total control over my anger, my emotions and my feelings. i was hurting.. n tht had made me stone.. i was indeed hurting deep.

someone has said tht when u r hurting.. the process of healing has already begun..

if someone would have said this to me thn.. i would not have believed it.. i had locked myself.. into another world.. a coccoon.. where i refused to let anything in.. not even feelings.. i remember.. ritu and anu used to ask me to just cry once tht time.. priyanka used to wonder y i never ever got angry over anything.. i never showed any emotion for anything.. she used to think i was a very very calm person..

surprisingly.. whn i remember that time.. all i remeber was how much i used to get angry.. how my emotions raged.. n how much i used to cry.. but it was all in my head.. all in my head..

i v come out of tht stage of my life.. n i m glad abt it..i;m sure there r a lot of other ppl who r glad abt it too.. even if it still hurts terribly sometimes..
but i wish i had carried forth my ability to curb my anger..

yesterday i totally lost it.. crossed my limits n slapped shrirang in public.. agreed he had done a few things which were unforgiveable.. but my lapse of control made me forgive those same things.. coz he made those mistakes coz he s immature.. n i slapped him n came down to his level.. something which i cant get over.. i had trouble sleeping last night.. i kept imagining the scene whn i had slapped him.. in public.. with his frnds n mine around.. i was wrong.. n i so hate it.. yes its a lesson learnt.. yes i know i will never repeat this.. but i cant put it behind me.. i cant get over the fact tht i have no right to insult anyones existence...

its not only him.. i'v not been able to stop myself around dad too.. i say things i should nt.. even if i m right.. i taunt.. i rebuke...i should nt..

a few days back i got angry on something tht happened with mom.. i was nt angry on her.. thnkfully.. i dint say anything to her.. she wanted her happiness.. her mental comfort.. for which i could nt have wht i wanted.. coz of my mistakes.. so i just walked outta the room n removed my anger on myself.. but i got angry,.. thts the main thing right now..

so wht i have to do now.. is start controlling my anger.. anyhow.. anyway..


Jatin said...

Anger cannot be controlled so easily. It comes out in some form or the other.

Maturity comes into picture when anger is displayed or acted upon positively and not allowed to explode in an uncontolled way.

witnwisdumb said...

Interesting post... and it is true, time heals all wounds :)

drpeds said...

i think you did the right thing! if you dont get angry at times..
means you are tolerating many things like that..