an interesting thing was pointed out to me yesterday... i v (again) lost my control over my anger.. there was a time in between whn i had total control over my anger, my emotions and my feelings. i was hurting.. n tht had made me stone.. i was indeed hurting deep.
someone has said tht when u r hurting.. the process of healing has already begun..
if someone would have said this to me thn.. i would not have believed it.. i had locked myself.. into another world.. a coccoon.. where i refused to let anything in.. not even feelings.. i remember.. ritu and anu used to ask me to just cry once tht time.. priyanka used to wonder y i never ever got angry over anything.. i never showed any emotion for anything.. she used to think i was a very very calm person..
surprisingly.. whn i remember that time.. all i remeber was how much i used to get angry.. how my emotions raged.. n how much i used to cry.. but it was all in my head.. all in my head..
i v come out of tht stage of my life.. n i m glad abt it..i;m sure there r a lot of other ppl who r glad abt it too.. even if it still hurts terribly sometimes..
but i wish i had carried forth my ability to curb my anger..
yesterday i totally lost it.. crossed my limits n slapped shrirang in public.. agreed he had done a few things which were unforgiveable.. but my lapse of control made me forgive those same things.. coz he made those mistakes coz he s immature.. n i slapped him n came down to his level.. something which i cant get over.. i had trouble sleeping last night.. i kept imagining the scene whn i had slapped him.. in public.. with his frnds n mine around.. i was wrong.. n i so hate it.. yes its a lesson learnt.. yes i know i will never repeat this.. but i cant put it behind me.. i cant get over the fact tht i have no right to insult anyones existence...
its not only him.. i'v not been able to stop myself around dad too.. i say things i should nt.. even if i m right.. i taunt.. i rebuke...i should nt..
a few days back i got angry on something tht happened with mom.. i was nt angry on her.. thnkfully.. i dint say anything to her.. she wanted her happiness.. her mental comfort.. for which i could nt have wht i wanted.. coz of my mistakes.. so i just walked outta the room n removed my anger on myself.. but i got angry,.. thts the main thing right now..
so wht i have to do now.. is start controlling my anger.. anyhow.. anyway..