Saturday, May 31, 2008

losing a best friend..

I'm tired...

Tired of looking for your walk in the walk of that man on the road. Tired of comparing how that guy looks and how you looked like that when you were 17. Tired of stopping myself from having the faith, but somewhere within, believing. Tired of ignoring all the signs which point to a banner in my mind that says, "Your trust is going to be questioned again".

I love challenges, and distances, and games and waiting. But I am tired now. I never wanted this friendship to be a game. I have never wanted any relationship to ever be a game. But I am tired of this.. whatever this is.

I am tired of being cynical about the people closest to me. I am tired of wanting my best friend to not have the "world plot against him" and for him to everytime get stuck in a situation wherein I lose my faith on him.

I am tired of staying awake, although I am dead tired. Of not being able to shut my eyes, just because I had been promised something at 3 am. This is my last wait.

I am tired of promises that are made with random words, and then forgotten just as randomly. And I am tired of believing these promises every single time. I am tired of waiting to recapture the best moments I spent in this city. I am tired of getting hurt again, yet again and then again.

I am tired of other friends telling me to give up on this friendship. Not tired of listening to them, but tired of hoping that they might be wrong. I am tired of being excited because this time you wont break a promise, but that time has not yet come. Not after seven years. I am tired of not being able to trust someone else's affection, because trusting yours has only brought me disappointment.

I am tired of being a coward, and giving you one more chance everytime. I am tired of being strong, and taking all the blows you give me each time. I am tired of doing the wrong things in life to other people because of a setback I get from you. I am tired of standing up for you.

This is your last chance. If you don't come through this time, my best friend, I'll lose everything I have pinned on you.

But when I lose all that, I know I'll get a different kind of freedom. What I don't know is whether I will like it or not. Whether I will be able to accept it or not.

6 comments:

IdeaSmith said...

You're back. Do get in touch.

sillysneha said...

im proud of u!
i luv u!

Anonymous said...

hey...i have been waiting for you to be online for 2 weeks now...hope u r ok...come online when u can..bye..
Pri

Satish Mantha said...

well, if as you say, "the world plot against him," there's an explanation to this feeling in you! :-)

~The Dream Catcher~ said...

idea - :)

Sneha - Stand by me.

Pri - flattering to see that the best way to contact me apparently, is my blog.

Pinki - I am being sarcastic with that line. It's not a feeling in me, its the feeling he has, that is an oft-used explanation.

Satish Mantha said...

i understood that. :-) i was being sarcastic too. can't help sympathising with him. respect your decision, while throwing some light on plausibilities. :-)

yet again, it's pinky! x-(