Wednesday, March 05, 2008

There was a girl

She had a strong voice, but it was pleasant and confident to the ears. Very masculine. Too heavy, but soft. Never sounds like what I think it sounds like.

A large frame, broad shoulders and an interesting, open face. God, I wish I was tiny, I tower over everyone. I wish I had even a little bit of the look on my face. I wish I knew how to Look.

An assertive personality, a strikingly comforting style of dressing in smart clothes which suited her well, but were not exclusive designer material. Frumpy. I look huge in this. I can never wear that small little tank top that I think is so cute. I will always have to chose comfort over style.

She was always ready to try new things, learn more. Intelligent but watned more knowledge. Talented to an average person's level. That is interesting. I would love to be able to be just naturally good at that. Or that. Oh I wish I had some natural flair for something at least.

She spoke less and only when she had something to say. Over the years she realized she did not need to opinionate everytime. My opinions are biased. I need a lot more knowledge and information backing just statements.

She asked a lot of questions since her childhood- relevant and irrelevant- in her clear strong voice. Goodness, where are all these thoughts coming from? Am I sounding like a freak? Shit! Questions again!!

She wasn't the top scorer in her class- but for some reason her classmates always thought she was. Her comments, opinions and ideas always induced everyone to think that. Her confident views, spoken quietly with her assertiveness always impressed. I need to score better marks. My family expects me to be the highest. They think I am so intelligent, I wish I could just tell them that I am not. Really I am not. I am the anomaly in the family. The one dull one. And these people in my class think I am intelligent just because I speak less. I wish they would stop expecting me to be so brainy too.

Everytime after she spoke, one thought ran before and after through her mind.
Maybe I should just shut up. No one wants to hear me speak.
No one wanted to hear that. Why did I even open my mouth.


Satish Mantha said...

well! whatever I ask or doubt anything would backfire. i will, hence, wait for more on this. at least her name, so I can refer to her from next time. wait, I'll give her a name. just for fun! :-D puny? starts n ends with my name. there ends the coincidence. ;-)

Swapnil said...

Very very interesting. What a beautiful way of writing about angst. I can almost identify with what the protagonist felt like

IdeaSmith said...

Did she believe herself alone? She was mistaken. Will she learn from the mistake? One hopes so.

Pragni~The Dream Catcher~ said...

Pinks- No information.. everything here is to be deciphered by the reader.. and I don't think this girl has a next time..

Swapnil - Thanks a lot! I am sure everyone should be able to identify somewhere with the protagonist..

Idea- Yes, she did. That was another of her mistakes I would say. And yes, maturity teaches a lot.. Sometime ahead, she is sure to have learnt that she is not alone.

creative genius said...

These feeling run through a lot of people, as you said 'everyone should be able to identify somewhere with the protagonist', it would just not be her.
People do doubt their abilities but there is always something unique and different about each person. I guess there are a very few people who know what they are capable of doing and till not pushed to that limit they will never find out