Wednesday, February 13, 2008

A life lost..

I see my updates in Orkut telling me that you have put up more pictures...

I click on the smaller-than-thumbnail picture so that I directly go to your album. I do that very deliberately. Carefully. I don't want to be redirected to your profile so that my visit shows up on page.

You nic says that you recently went to Goa. Your pictures show you there. With your hair flying, in a sleek sleeveless top. Note: a top not a Tee-shirt. Remember how we always used to crib that we were both too guyish. You look pretty and pretty darn girlish in the tank. Your hair is open too. Something you never did then.

I see other pictures. One's that I have already seen, the last time I visited your album. I see pictures of you celebrating someone's birthday, a diwali party in the office, a pajama party at someone's place, a classy party in a hotel and then there is a picture of four other people who you claim you can't live without.

I am not there. I am just in your friend's list. Probably added under the category of "Don't Know Too Well". Probably added just because I sent you the request. All we have exchanged till now on Orkut is a Hi. One word.

Behind that word hides the million conversations we once had. The cell phone bills we used to drive up, even when incoming was not free. The way you taught me statistics and the way I taught you logic and English. The way we discussed that guy who looked like a Greek God and smiled at me sometimes. The way you oohed and aahed at a typical Rahul. The way you covered up for me when I made that mistake. And that's it.

That mistake ripped my life. But I have accepted that. What is still difficult to accept is that it took away my friend from me. Just because her Mom thought I was not a good enough girl, while once she adored me and fawned over me. And because my Mom thought that you were a liar to cover for me. We were both at fault, but those were mistakes teenagers often do.

But it has carried on to our adulthood. I don't know what type of a person you are today. But you are someone I still sorely miss. Not as an everyday presence, but as a support. As the one person who backed me and told me that "If you think this is love, then I will back you through everything so that you are happy."

I hope you think of me tis wistfully too. I hope you miss our friendship too. I hope I am not asking for too much.

10 comments:

Satish Mantha said...

Definitely not! And, you say it was teenagery. So, if you miss her so much, get in touch with her again. It's worth taking a chance. There are two advantages of this:

2. You will not feel you have not tried for it in the whole life again, if she is not the same person you once loved.

1. You will get back your true friend.

Feeling as you've written is perfectly right. Not expressing is not. :-)

IdeaSmith said...

And I hope and wish she reads this and somehow, somewhere knows it was written for her.

Ashwin said...

Life is too short!

J said...

I guess its difficult to be back in same touch with the person back(not saying impossible). But u can be happy with that she was there once with you and you had such a time with her. And I guess you would have many other friends with which you can probably have a similar bond offcourse not the same. Life some times teaches different experiences with different people, not all are there always with us, but should be happy with the fact that we had such time.

Pragni~The Dream Catcher~ said...

piks- I have tried. And I had no reaction from her side.. I guess it's better to not hope anymore..

Idea- I doubt she'll read this. If she does, she'll know it was written for her. But if she does know that it was written for her, she would probably not read it. Complicated.

Ashwin - That's why I have you guys!!

J- I know.. I cherish the one's I have now.. and you know that!! But yes, Life taught me a good one with that..

Satish Mantha said...

well, yes. it is difficult not to hope anything from the ones u love. but, at some point, u'll break when there's absolutely no reaction from the other person. talking with hardcore experience in this area. :-)

just be sure to keep ur feelings ripe if ever she decides to come back to u. that's all is needed - no ego. else, leave it there, cherish the moments that u'd spent together. things will just be fine in either case. :-)

anksphenomenon said...

hmm.. thats wat life is :)
move on i wd say!

Pragni~The Dream Catcher~ said...

piks- you know me.. i hope it works that way, but quite really, this post was my way of giving closure to my relationship with her..

Anks-true.. read as closure in my life..

Satish Mantha said...

okie.. good for u.. zipping my mouth then. :-D :-)

sillysneha said...

that fool clearly doesnt kno wat she has lost...
HAH! to her!
all mine u r n shall be! :)