Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Do you smile? Really?

"It's been more than a fortnight and you haven't blogged!"

"Kya kar rahi hai ab? Nothing? Peaacee.. go blog.."

"Have you written something? no? Have you written something?"

Three of my most faithful readers I guess. I haven't written in the last few days.. infact, I haven't even visited this page. I don't know why.

A couple of months ago, RM asked me a weird question, her motive for asking it was just to put me down, but anyway, here it is, "Why are you so insecure?" Now if you know me, you should know that this is a big deal for me. One, being asked such a question, and two, putting it up here. Opening myself to the million critiques and judgment that are going to pass through the mind of all you people out there, and no, don't deny it, you are going to judge me on this one question, someone who is anti-me has asked me.

Ahaa.. so if RM thinks she is insecure, she probably is. No wonder, she hates RM... etc, etc.

Hold your horses, RM said that because my status message on gtalk was "Meine dil se kaha.. dhoondh lana khushi..", and she had just been explained the meaning of this song.

My status messages on Gtalk are normally what my mood dictates. So I was kinda glum that day. One day my status can say things like "Oranges should not be eaten alone" and another day it can be "Happy happy happy, HAPPY days are here again", and sometimes just a plain, "Discombobulated". This in no way means I am depressed, or that I am insecure. It means, that I am a normal person (according to my standards) ( and I like my standards, thank you very much) and I have normal moods and ups and downs. And because I have downs, I know how good ups can be.

I am not one of those people who will always smile, even when they are grimacing inside, they are not even smiling really because a real smile can be just inside, and has to be inside too. I will grimace, frown at you and not just do it inside. I am not those bubbly, quirky, chirpy people who light up the place like sunshine wherever they are. I prefer my sarcastic barbs more anyday. I will not leave people with them thinking, "Wow, she is so sweet and caring", probably, you will be left wondering what the hell happened after I am done with. Ask Pik. He still remembers my first few lines to him, which were absolutely instinctive but not sweet and sugary from any angle.

I do NOT go about flashing my moods to everyone. But I do know for a fact, that there are a number of people on my gtalk list who roll their mouse over my name just to see what the status message says. To make sense of it, and smile. I know some, and I know that I do that too, for other people I know who keep insightful status messages. Which make me go hmmmm..

So I am asking this of you now. I throw the question out to debate, is it weird, insecure, depressing behaviour to acknowledge your bad mood and not suppress it? To be able to say, "Hey, I am in an effed up mood today, watch out."I would think that the eternally and artificially smiling kinds would be the insecure ones.. too insecure to be able to express themselves.

And for what it's worth, I refuse to ever have just a lame smiley as my status message, along with being unoriginal it is absolutely fake. You do not smile all the time really, why fake it.


Satish Kumar Mantha said...

given my memory, it's a big deal for me too.. ;-) and leave thinking abt all this.. "Ahaa.. so if RM thinks she is insecure, she probably is. No wonder, she hates RM... etc, etc.".. it's cuz u think all this convoluted stuff that i think u should not think so much! :P

and as i always told u, never allow anyone to affect u.. :-)

oh my god! chii chii.. :-D

IdeaSmith said...

I was going to say, "Who gives a damn what anyone else thinks?" And also, "If you share your innermost feelings and thoughts you must expect that there will be insufferable jerks who judge you as well as some normal people who misunderstand".

And then I read your last line. It says it all. No more comment.

Anonymous said...

I want to point out one thing here. Just as you loathe the "insecure" label, don't you wonder that the people who SEEM eternally happy must loathe the "artificial" label? Just like you believe in putting your moods out there, their form of therapy is to smile the blues away. Its not that they are never sad. They choose not to share it with all and sundry. Why can't emotions be personal, just like anything else? I agree its wrong of them to expect it from everyone else, just like you seem to expect everyone to play out their anger/depression/dissatisfaction. I'm just saying.
-anon1 again.

Anonymous said...

you keep getting better and better.
and sometimes i dont like that.

Pragni~The Dream Catcher~ said...

Piks: agreed.. but it does affect us you know.. humans after all.

Idea: *nodding in understanding*

Anon1: Your presence makes me smile. Really. And your comments make me think. What you said is true. Even that would be one way of coping with blues. And I do not have the right to judge their way at all, but if that is a way to do that, only then.

Anon2- I chose to take that as a compliment. Thank you!

Anonymous said...

Moral of the story:

RM is a Bitch. Stay away from her.

P.S: You know that damn well

Pragni~The Dream Catcher~ said...

anon3 - Don't I...