Your way or my way

So, it happened the way I said it would
You fell in hard, and dragged me in
You knew this would happen
the way I said it would
You would fall and drag me through

So, one day you called me out 'the blue
Had a random conversation bout you
I held the phone this side of the sea
Wondered if this would happen
the way I said it would

So, you surprised me as much as you could
Tried new things coz you knew
I would fall in for the new
It would happen the way I said it would

Of course I resisted as much as I could
Made up reasons, threw up tantrums
But you weathered it all through
And made it happen more than
the way I said it would

So, you stand at altar waiting for me
I walked up finally, crying to glory
You smiled at me and made me stop
You knew this would happen
the way you wanted it to.

Black Heart

Why do you have a black heart my love
What deed so tainted, words so impure
what joy rebuffed, what smile upturned

you always believed
that smiles are an anomaly
that the world is a bitch
that people are selfish

you always accepted that
that was your truth
imbeded in your psyche
fashioning all your moves

you revelled in the pain
Basked in darkness
enjoyed the screw drilling in
relentlessly, ruthlessly

what little action was it
that turned out to kill it all for you
why do you have a black heart my love
and how am i supposed to love it

End of the era of selfishness

In so many ways you show me what I mean

In so many ways, you show me my place.

It just makes it easier for me..

Easier to understand that you are not the man for me.

You are so not worth it. 

Mini-Meals - an ode to our lives in champaign

I rush through the day, run for the bus
late for class, quickly take notes

No time for a bit of chat later yaar
I’ll have more research done on this later, sir

         Bite sized love, bite sized lives
         A little hurried hi, a little hurried good bye
         Got to finish this life, get out of U of I
         Masters is enough man, there’s a life outside

Two jobs to fund one life, two jobs to fund the calls to home
but there’s always money for the shots and beer

Nostalgic when we hear a song, miracle, we know the words all
festivals we did not celebrate have meanings now

         Bite sized love, bite sized lives
         A little hurried hi, a little hurried good bye
         Got to finish this life, get out of U of I
         Damn this PhD man, there’s a life outside

Second hand Honda, the pool of our savings
time to live alone now, dude sharing isn’t working

Profs are over-rated, so is research
that’s when I turn to singing, that’s when I turn to writing

                Bite sized love, bite sized lives
                a little hurried hi, a little hurried goodbye
                Got to move aheada this life, get out of U of I
                Fuck Post doc man, there’s a life outside

                Bite sized love, bite sized lives
                a little hurried hi, a little hurried goodbye
                Got to finish this life, get out of U of I
                what the hell is happening, there’s a life outside

                Bite sized love, bite sized lives
                a little hurried hi, a little hurried goodbye..

Can you sing a song to me?

You sing for the entire world, but I can't hear it. You play with the entire world, but I'm not a part of it.

Can you sing that song again, where you chased my afterglow. You might not be the best singer alive, but you are after all, my singer. My only singer.

Can you hold me in your arms again, and wait for me to drift off to sleep.

Distance, is definitely not an easy adversary to have, when distance, is all you have.

She never existed..

What happened to the girl who never thought before doing, saying or wanting anything? When did people start telling her that you think too much..

What happened to the girl who had supreme confidence in her skills and talent? When did she start fearing her own karmabhoomi so much that she wouldn't touch it with a barge pole..

What happened to the girl who was the center of all parties? When did she start hating, abhorring attention..

What happened to the girl who firmly believed in love, and knew it would happen at the right time? When did she start believing that she did not deserve love and there was no way in hell anyone would even think of her that way..

What happened to the girl who had all the traits of growing up into a teenage girl, young girl and a woman? When did she start thinking that she was just not good enough to ever be considered a woman..

What happened to the girl who looked in the mirror and loved what she saw?

She Never Existed at all...

Our perceptions of beauty are very surreal, framed and conditioned by a society who wants perfection and rejects anything else. And the outer appearance counts for so much that the inner person starts hating herself for what she does not look like, even though everytime she visualizes herself, its someone different. And everytime she sees the mirror she realized that she was not what she thought and visualized herself to be. She did not have that sculpted jaw line, well defined cheek bones or even the large almond shaped eyes.

Everytime she went to an interview, met someone important, she thought why the hell would they be interested in whats up, down, right or left in my life.. Because she did not look like a star, she assumed they would immediately reject her, they definitely wanted pretty people in their offices.

Because all the while.. She did not exist at all..



Cross-Posted at http://tangentialthinking.wordpress.com/

Your Love and Mine..

For the guy who has been my constant support system from the last 6 years or more.

For the guy who sat with me in a shack, while I cried, at times when I hardly ever cried. And he just sat with the stranger because she was a fellowmate in the military camp.

For the guy who became a part of my family, with his helpful way of wanting to do everything for my me and my parents.

For the guy who has erred unfailingly and regularly, but has forgiven me too when I have erred, and not admitted it.

For the guy who has given me some of the most brilliant memories ever.

For the guy who just flatly refuses to read my blog.

For the guy who could never properly meet my brother, which is something I have always regretted.

For the guy who has been the most amazing best friend ever, the most wholesome best friend, who has not taken my grief, given me grief, fought with me, harassed me, irritated me, and cherished our friendship more than anything else.

For the guy who my other friends call a variety of names, from Chottu, Bandook Boy, Bhai, Ram Bhaiyya, and lots more.

For you on your birthday, though I know you wont be reading this ever.

I know we are not supposed to, but Thank you.

------------------------------------------------------

You grabbed my hand and pulled me in from the center of the road..
You kept me warm and heated whn my nose and fingers were chilling from the cold

You rode me along the beach and thn dipped ur feet in the water with me..
We climbed the rocks together and spoke abt everything & nothing- just letting me be

You brought me pretty nothings and significant small things..
We sat hours together sipping coffee unaware of our surroundings

You chatted with me for hours on the phone and together the deep night we brought..
You waited for me to go to sleep while on the phone just so u could hear my last thought

You kissed me on my forehead and made my heart burn..
You gave me unconditional love without asking anything back in return

You say you'll always love me.. and I say tht I'll never be able to..
You say you'll someday marry me.. I say I'll decide you'll marry who

I know you love me.. I know you care deeply
I know you wait for me to trust you.. I know I already do

You'll always be my bestfriend.. someone I'll always turn to..
Even if I never fall in love with you.. you'll always be my end

Something I wrote long long long back, on my old blog.

Just for a while..

"
I wish I could smile,
I wish I could study
wish I could concentrate
just for a while ..

I wish I could smile
I wish I could laugh
wish I had the courage
just for a while...

I wish I could smile
wish I could live
wish I could hold on
just for a while.... "

Mumbai University's very own National Theatre Fest

On the occassion of the 'World Theatre Day' , the Academy of Theatre Arts, University of Mumbai , brings for Mumbaikars a bouquet of India's finest plays, in an 11-day 'National Vasant Natya Mahotsav'.

The Mahotsav, to be staged between March 22 and April 1, 2007 at the Kalina Campus of the University of Mumbai , will present plays by renowned directors like Ratan Thiyam, Ramesh Verma and Ranjit Kapoor.

Famous Indian theatre groups like the Chorus Repertoire Company from Manipur, The National School of Drama Repertoire Company and the Mysore Rangayan will be performing in Mumbai after a long time. "This is the speciality of the festival. There will be plays in various Indian languages by some of the prominent directors this country has produced," says Mr Waman Kendre, Director of the Academy. Along with this, several theatre luminaries like Anupam Kher and Naserrudin Shah too might grace the festival. Professor Waman Kendre himself is a very famous Marathi Theatre artist.

Some of the outstanding plays that Mumbaikars will have the pleasure of watching are:

Chakravyuha directed by Ratan Thiyam. This Manipuri play has been staged over a 100 times around the globe by the Chorus Repertoire Company.

Maya Sita Prasanga directed by Ramesh Verma from Kerala. This Kannada play is one of the more famous works of Mr Verma.

The NSD Repertoire Company will bring its famous plays Ram Nam Satya Hai and Shortcut.

Shri. Ratan Thiyam's equally important play Ritusamharam will also be presented in this festival.

Mr Kendre will present his famous play Janeman, which is based on the life of Hijras or Eunuchs. The adaption of the Greek Tragedy Oedipus too will be presented twice. This play is called Vedhapashya.

The entry for this festival is free. But the catch being that interested people need to pick up the Free Entry Card at the Kalina Campus of Mumbai University. The passes will be available from 20th March,2007 between 11 a.m. to 5 a.m. at Academy ofTheatre Arts, Dr.Babasaheb Ambedkar Bhawan, 2nd floor, Vidyanagari Campus, Kalina, Santacruz(E), University of Mumbai. The organizers of this festival are available on these numbers for any other detailed inquiry: 022-26508200, 9869115199, 9820686506. The festival will take place at Marathai Bhasha Bhawan as well as at Muktakkash Rangamanch, Lecture Hall Complex,Vidyanagari, Kalina Campus.

Cross-posted on Mumbai Metblogs

A face from the past

She saw a face from her past today.
Flowing with the crowd on the station's overbridge..
She spotted him walking towards her.. right next to her..

Before the first time anyone ever held her hand..
Before she ever fell in love..
Before she was ever touched with love..

This face had become the friend she was searching for in a crowd
This face had enjoyed her tomboyishnes, her innocent ways,
He said he would always look out for her..

She was a tender sixteen but strong inspite of that,
He was an older 26 and seemed soft inspite of that,
He looked down at her through his thick glasses
His thin face giving an experienced kind of a smile

She she accepted his friendship guilelessly
He came closer to her, artfully
He cried about his problems and asked for a shoulder
She complied, they were friends after all

Younger though she was, she heard his worries through
She patted his hands and told him all would come true
He grasped her hands in his and clung to her for life..
She thought he needed support and he needed strength

She noticed his hands growing firmer and thought all would be fine
But he refused to let go of her hand instead held on tighter
He held her by her shoulders and demnded to be comforted..
He sneaked up behind her and forced a kiss on her..

She pushed him away and said a firm no,
They were friends and friends is all
He laughed on her innocence and pulled her even closer
His face dint look thin anymore, his touch dint seem friendly

He told her he dreamt of kissing her, and he wanted to see reality
Terrified, she turned away from him,
She had nowhere to go, she was stuck with him in a car
A car full of all their friends, each busy with another

He put a hand on her shoulder and said,"Gimme a kiss babe"
No, she screamed in hr head, let me go far away
She pushed her face into the glassed window, as far from him as she could
He put a hand on her shoulder and moved it back and forth..

She shrugged the hand off, it came back again
A little rougher this time..
She shrugged it off again
and it came back again

Before she could shrug it off this time,
his fingers caught on to the elastic at her shoulder
He tweaked the little strap and whispered,
"you are mine sweetiepie, dont run now"

She rammed her elbow into his stomach
"NO.. STAY OFF YOU DIRTY BASTARD
I DONT WANT TO BE YOUR PLAYTHING.."
But the yelling was only in her mind...

The car screeched to a halt,
the door was opened and he was thrown out

Before the first time anyone ever held her hand..
Before she ever fell in love..
Before she was ever touched with love..
This face had violated her trust..

He had pressed her to a corner
And demanded payment for his friendship
This face had breached her innocence
This face polluted her thoughts.. thrown her into a shell..

She dint see him again till today
Walking past her at the station..
Their eyes collided and recognized the other
She dint falter, she dint stop.

She walked down the stairs, out of the station,
Up her street into her lane..
She entered her building and shut the door
She dint look back, not even once..

Five years later...

Do you wonder how lives move on??
Do you miss those times we spent together??


Its a dusk I'll never forget..
I questioned, You dint answer
I provoked you to reveal your intentions,
You dint let go till the end..

I abused, you agreed,
I kept enticing you, maybe you'd say what I wanted to hear
You kept quiet, took the blames.

It could have meant that you pleaded guilty
It could have meant that you were defenseless
It could have meant that you did not need to give excuses
It could have meant that I was senseless


Its a ride I will never forget..
I knew I'd never see you again
You were already etched in my mind,
Yet I etched you all over again

You knew you would never touch me again
You had already touched my life,
You touched it all over again..

It could have meant that I finally knew the truth
It could have meant that you were sorry
It could have meant that I was still giving you a chance
It could have meant that it was the real end of the story


Its a night I will never forget..
Alone in the wide expanse of my house
Alone devoid of the love I'd known so long
Alone, rid of the farce that I had known as truth

It meant that what had changed my life,
had itself been an illusion
It meant that what had become my truth,
had never been the true.


Do you wonder if I still dream on??
Do you remember our sacred five year promise for a forever??